Hell Explained By Chemistry Student

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term exam.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why you
now have the pleasure of reading it as well.

 Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul enters
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world
today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all
souls go to Hell. With the birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to,
expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that
"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true,
and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that
it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a devine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AND A+ ON HIS EXAM



Click [BACK] on your browser